How Do I Measure Success?

Hmm, this will be different. My friend Carol has tagged me to make the next post in a meme entitled: "What little secrets do I have that have helped me to be successful?"

I suppose any discussion of this subject would have to be based on how one measures their success. In my opinion, there are many types of success, each relating to the various areas of a person's life. So in order to evaluate your own personal success, you have to first identify which aspect(s) of your existence are most important to you.

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Define success.
All else follows. There are truly no universal rules to success, only small pockets of personal relevance. I would argue that anything which allows you to be content, happy, loving and productive, while at the same time ethically and morally sensitive to the people around you, equals success in this life. As for my personal theory, read on.

Family comes first.
There is nothing in this life that upsets me more than to hear stories of children being neglected, and part of this is based on my own experiences. Without going into detail, suffice it to say that I grew up feeling like I had little to no relationship with my father, and my mother was always self absorbed. Truth be known, I am extremely grateful that things were the way they were. When I look back on it now, as a father myself, I have a blueprint of how not to raise my child. You should have seen the looks I received from my male co-workers when I explained to them that I planned on quitting, going back to school, and raising my daughter as a "man who mothers."

Help others by listening.
Take the time to actually communicate with the people in your life, mere acquaintances and random strangers included. Life should not be about how many people you can crush on your way to the top, it's about how many of those people you can bring to the top with you. Everyone has value, and everyone you encounter is most likely in your life for a reason. Every time we snub or ignore people because they are not like us, we are being impatient and judgmental, and we lose valuable opportunities to enrich our own lives and learn more about the human condition. Does that sound selfish? Well sure, we are all ego driven, self oriented beings, but the key is to focus your self interest in such a way that you help others at the same time as you help yourself. Life is a symbiotic relationship, the sooner we realize this, the earlier we will begin to experience "success" in life.

Learn to love.
This may be the hardest to master of all the components necessary to being successful. When I say love, I don't mean kissy, huggy, puppy love. I don't mean apply it to select individuals, love is unconditional. What I am saying, is find within yourself a mode of thinking that allows you to see the goodness within everyone, and come to the understanding that we are all the same in more ways than we are different. Allow yourself to see the innocence in peoples' intentions. Set aside your criticism, your cynicism, your skepticism, and learn to trust. If that should fail, or you encounter someone who has not one single redeeming factor... then love your enemy. I struggle with this every day, but I think that is the point. We need to endeavor towards this end, in order to be successful in this life, in a way which is truly meaningful.

Set your own standards, create your own definitions.
The philosopher Emmanuel Kant, building on concepts first set forth by Socrates, once said that true excellence of character is achieved when a person defines for themselves exactly what it is they consider ethical behavior, and then sticking to it. Look, only you know what is best. No one else is even remotely capable of telling you how to live your life. If they do, and you follow their instruction, who's life then are you actually living? It is critical that we expose ourselves to as many different religions and schools of thought as possible, and glean from those the elements that resonate with each of us on a base and personal level. Our lives should serve as an educational process whereby we arm ourselves with the tools necessary to create our own personal master morality.

Stay true to yourself.
No amount of success in any pursuit will bring you happiness in the end if you have to drastically conform in order to achieve it. Personal beliefs and value systems are integral to personal happiness, which in turn charges you up with positive energy, which allows you to be productive in many ways that simply cannot be had through means which stem from animosity, contempt, moral sacrifice or resentment. Part of my success in this life is that I have tried to stay true to my own credo, despite it often resulting in my being excluded, laughed at, shunned, skipped. This is a difficult lesson to learn, and one that took me many years to appreciate. It was not until about ten years ago that I fully understood the importance of this concept.

Take the time.
Live your life one day at a time. Do not dwell on the past, do not obsess over the future, ... focus on the now! You are no good to yourself, or anyone around you if you are distant, constantly off somewhere in your head, lamenting or wishing, try to live in the now, because it is here that you can make a difference and have some impact. One of the surest ways to feeling that you are a successful being, is allowing yourself to relish the every day, mundane components of your life, and understanding their value.

Tags: Communication, Defining Success, Ethics, Family, Kant, Live for today, Love, Morality, Nietzsche, Socrates, Standards, Success, The Now, Truth